Forever with Jacob
by rosiepalegirl
Summary: Just read it, because I want you to. Its about Jacob and Bella if you like that- because I know I do.
1. First

**Disclaimer: I do not own Stephenie Meyer's stories under any ways legally; I'm just a writer and I write. Go Jacob.**

Inside of my truck's cab I heard nothing but the pounding the tires made against the dirt and the beat of my heart as I crossed the border to La Push. The sun was still throbbing blissfully in the sky as one of those rare days on the Olympic Peninsula in which there is weather that is a fraction as nice of what it was in Phoenix- not that the rain is bad.

_It isn't bad._

It's just that since _he_ left, I have been reminded of the tremendous amount of love-lost trying to get here. And now that I am here, I see what I have left and all it is is a broken heart and hormonal breakdowns every so often and then again, rain.

Charlie has seen me down all the time and I know how he feels about _him_, but lately I have begun to forgive and forget all because of one thing that has entered my life and seemed to have purged all the guilt, and heartbreak, and also the feeling of something that I've done wrong- a friend. I had often heard that laughter is a cure, but every time I hear myself laugh it comes out throaty, and disgustingly irregular that I don't want to laugh anymore. Even though there isn't much to laugh at Jacob Black always seems to bring up something that makes me want to embarrass myself over with my stupid laugh.

Ever since _he_ left, riding in the car is sometimes an everyday task that takes some effort to perform. I keep on imagining that somehow, even though _he_ doesn't love me anymore, that he would show up in my car- hold me and keep away all of the thoughts that always run through my tattered and polluted mind.

It never happens.

So, when it doesn't happen every time I get in the car I take a minute to sit in the drivers seat with my forehead pushed up against the wheel trying not to be such a lunatic so when I go to Jacob's house I don't get kicked out by Billy- because being kicked out of that house would be even worse than death, because without Jacob I knew I would die. What would I ever do without him?

Over the past week things had been weird between Jacob and I. It was like kindergarten all over again where there is all of the awkward silence and messed up speech. I had noticed lately that Jacob couldn't look at me. It made me upset because I just keep thinking that something is wrong with me, and he doesn't want to see my face, when I want to see his smiling one.

He called me almost every morning promptly at nine to invite me over to hang out. I had, for the past couple of months, excepted, and hung over for most of the day. I never felt as guilty as this because I knew all of the time that Billy sat alone in that old house on the couch watching his favorite teams battle it out in baseball and football games. I had asked Charlie if he had talked to Billy lately and he would always assure me that he and Billy would get together soon and watch a game or go fishing together.

_"Are you sure?" I would say to Charlie. Charlie pursed his lips and rubbed my head and acted like I was the little girl that he lost to her teenage years. He nods his head yes._

_"Bella, there is nothing to worry about, Billy and I are going to be getting together this sunday for the big game. And I talked on the phone with him and he said that he was happy staying at home and he liked that Jacob wasn't there waiting on his hand and foot."_

_"Why would he be happy about that?" I said sarcastically. I tossed my hair back in to a ponytail not waiting for his answer and already heading with my keys to my car._

_"Bella, Bella, Bella, Bella! Just wait a minute!" He ran after me gasping in the hallway holding on to my shoulder for support._

_"What, dad, are you okay? Do you want me to stay home?" I set my hand on his shoulder and once he caught his breath he looked up at me with the chocolate brown eyes mirroring my own._

_He swung his arm in the air. "No, or course not! You're a kid and I'm the old middle aged dad." I raised my eyebrow feeling a little older than most normal teenagers. "You go have fun!" _

_He smiled wildly as I nodded at him heading slightly to the door. "So, what did you need?"_

_"Billy is happy to be alone because he knows that Jacob is with you... Jacob likes you." he said quietly. _

_"Yeah, so?" I said indifferently._

_"Well, this wouldn't be the first time a boy would like you." he waited for my expression and when I didn't show one he continued on. "So, just tell me if he hurts you if you ever do give him a chance."_

_"What makes you think I'll give him a chance?" I say feeling a little bit hurt._

_He shrugs. "Jacob is a nice boy. I think you and him have a lot in common- you're a little bit different than everyone else."_

_I nod my head quickly. "Okay, thanks for the facts dad. I'm going over there right now so if you need anything just call my cell." I moved closer and kissed his forehead. "Love you."_


	2. Second

Jacob's small earth-bound house that was half submerged in brush rolled in to view as my truck pulled in making a violently screeching sound. I heard the sound so many times that I wouldn't worry about the health of the truck- it was just how it ran. It was like an old man trying to act tough when really all that he was, was cute and red and- old. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Billy roll up to the window and peer outside of the curtains he spotted me in the truck and nodded a little like he already knew it was me (he probably did, though, he was after all the last owner of this car.) But a rare thing happened that churned something wild and exciting inside of me, he smiled bearing the only white part about him- and something about that smile made me believe that what Charlie was talking about earlier was actually true, not that I ever doubted an old, middle aged man.

I rolled down the window trying to smudge off some of the dirt that flew up at the truck while I was driving down the road. One thing that was good about La Push, you didn't really have to worry about someone breaking in to your car because the neighbor was so far off down the country road. But I did lock the car just in case, someone would be pretty tall to be able to jump in to that window from a standstill. Or _he_ could have.

I shivered feeling something sever inside of me.

"Bella?" I heard a growing voice call from behind me. I smiled looking at the truck and took my hands away, that I had out of habit, put over my stomach when I was in pain. I turned around slowly stepping on the mud road and feeling it squish under my boots from the side of the dirt road and feeling it squish beneath my feet.

"Hey Jake," I waved impishly, "how's it going?"

I set up a smile that had been closer to a Kodak moment than my first attempt- and for once, dropped my hands to my sides. Jake stood in front of me and I could of sworn that the last time I saw him he was inches shorter. Not only did he look taller, but also bigger like he had been working out for the past year and I hadn't noticed.

He looked good, _handsome_ even.

"Have you grown?" I said surprised at my own words. Jacob didn't even look sixteen anymore, maybe a young twenty-year-old. I hoped I just wasn't going crazy over what Charlie had said and now I was admiring things that I hadn't noticed before, but this was just strange and I was even dubious of my own thoughts.

Jacob smiled almost like this was a compliment, but to men _everything_ is a compliment. "A couple of inches. I think I'm finally hitting the growth spurt. Do I look good?"

Mystified, I said. "Well, sure- but..."

He ran his hands down his sides and my eyes followed his hands. Shaking my head I concentrated back on him when he announced, "So, that's why all of the girls can't take their eyes off of me!" He ran his hand through his long hair, I looked again turning doughy eyes.

"Uh... can I use your bathroom?" I interrogated. Jacob snapped out of his daydream and came back to life to hear my question. He quickly escorted me in to his house, passing Billy, going through the cramped hallways, and entering their pocket sized bathroom. I shut the door immediately and sat on the floor. I was breathing heavily in gasps and clutching at my chest.

Why was I thinking like this? I am in love with _him_, still, even though he left. I couldn't like Jacob because I knew if _Edward_ were to come back- I would want to be with him still, not my best friend. Even though _Edward_ was my best friend and my true love.

My heart ached.

I leaned my head up against the wall trying to figure out what I was feeling, nearly tearing myself to shreds with the tears that were coming down my cheeks. My mind tortured me by flashing back to all of the countless _he _times he had come to my room at night and how I had thought, 'this is the guy I want to be with forever.' All of the times we kissed until neither of us could bear it- how my heart raced every time he touched me. When he came in to my hospital room in Phoenix and told me that he loved me and that he would be with me forever- or the next few months. Telling me he absolutely _could not_ live without me- that I was his first and only love. That I _owned_ his heart, that _I_ had a permanent hold.

But the thing that hurt the most was me finding out that all of this was a lie, a scam. Anyways, how could a beautiful, mature, god-like person be with me? Isabella Swan, the chief's daughter? The half albino Arizona native?

It just wasn't plausible.

And that's where Charlie had been right, Jacob and I aren't so different. We are both _human_, we both are under the age of twenty, we aren't the most attractive kids in town- but we aren't the ugliest. By the way Jacob looks today, though, I beg to differ.

I imagined Jake's satiny, long, black locks. His clear and well-toned russet colored skin. How beautiful he looked.

I shook my head.

"Bella, are you okay in there?" Jacob said through the door. My hand reached out to the door but then went back and cupped over my mouth to hide the sounds of pain coming out of my mouth. "Bella?"

I swallowed the saliva in my mouth. "I'm okay." I said groggily, and I heard Jacob sigh from the outside.

"Can I come in?"

I didn't answer.

"Please?" he whispered.

My hand unlocked the door without thinking and Jacob edged in around the sink to see me on the ground. His face, once straight, contorted in to an unbearable frown full of sad eyes. I had to look away to keep from feeling sad.

"Bella? Did I do something wrong?" He asks, and I know he is trying to look at me so I turn my head and see that his expression hasn't wavered.

Feeling bad I say, "No, of course not. Why would you ever do something wrong? You're Jacob Black, the pride of the Quileute's," Jacob starts to object but I continue on, "the ultra-smart student. The caring son of Billy Black- the guy _I love_." My hands cup over my mouth immediately like I had just said something that would determine the fate of the world itself- or the path of my life, except that's exactly how it was. I examine Jake's surprised yet euphoric smile that is spreading across his entire face inhumanly while I blinked profusely shaking my head.

I didn't even know how I could have said that because for one, I didn't even know that I had feelings for my Indian best friend. Not that I could never be attracted to Jacob, I mean, like I said before- he was attractive. But then again, I'm contradicting all of my thoughts.

"Do you mean it?" He inquires.

I breathe one shaky breath.

"Because, I love you." Jake declared with a hand over his heart. My eyes flip up and down ceremoniously between his pink plump lips, deep eyes, and his big strong hands over his heart.

_He loves me. Bella._


	3. Third

**To answer a question- yes this is before Jacob is a werewolf, or shape shifter if you will... thx for reading. It means a lot. Sorry I've been a slacker and haven't had the time to update. ******

**-**

I haven't gone to visit Jacob in a while- almost a week now. But it seems much longer than that. I know how stupid he must think I am right about now- but all I can think about is _him_. Him _him_, and whether or not he would be angry with me if he did ever come back- which I know he won't because he doesn't love me anymore. The thing that is the worst about finding out that someone loves you and you think that maybe, just maybe, you might return their feelings is when whenever you see long beautiful, ebony hair you think it's him. When it actually turns out to be a girl walking down the side walk. And that's when you feel really stupid.

Also when you're at school and you can't concentrate because you are wondering what the boy you just might like is thinking and then the teacher is calling your name- you don't hear it. You just sit there like a mindless, one track mind zombie completely undecided in such a monumental step in a very important relationship. A relationship with someone you can't live without.

So shouldn't it be easy?

Well, _no_.

If I hadn't ever met, one minute- deep breath- _Edward_, I knew I would never be in denial of my feelings for Jacob- if there were feelings. But like I said- I'm so stupid I can't even decide who I love anymore because one part of me is gone.

If I was still the Bella I was in Phoenix, I think I would still be thinking the same things I am now because Edward has taught me one thing- that finding true love takes a long time. One thing that Edward never understood was that I thought he and I were supposed to be together forever- he wasn't supposed to leave me.

I lay on top of my bed in my old sweats and youth group t-shirt trying to figure things out but yet, nothing came to me. My hair was splayed around my body that I occasionally brushed with a comb that was lying at my side. As I combed my hair I knew one thing, though, I couldn't live without Jake. He was light- and every time he touched my skin... I don't know how to describe it. Like magic, that's it. But when he wasn't here to touch me or make me feel better I felt worse. I know that I was acting crazy and I should just go over to the Blacks- ready or not- and tell him I was so in love with him. But I couldn't.

I wouldn't. All because of- _him_.

Sometimes I hated _Edward_ so much that I just wanted to find him wherever he was and rip his eyes out- even though I knew it was inhumanly possible because he was a cold, unmoving, rock. But still I wanted to. I wanted to steal Carlisle's, or any other random hospital's scalpel and plunge it in to his heart and take a little section to show him how I felt. I wanted him to hurt. And that's also when I knew that I didn't love him as much as I had anymore.

But it also made me think what had I ever done wrong by Edward to make him not love me anymore? Did it seem like I wanted a physical relationship too much? I remembered how when I would kiss him he would push me away and said to not give him the 'benefit of the doubt' that he wouldn't hurt me. Sometimes, though, I would think that he would lie to me about that... but you never know because he was a good liar about a lot of things. Mostly about loving me.

All of a sudden I heard a hard knock on the front door. I shot up out of my bed and stood in the door of my bedroom holding on to my comb as I heard Charlie say 'I got it Bells.' I craned my head so I could hear who it was.

"Hey Charlie, is Bella here?" said a voice that I would know anywhere.

_Jake._

"Sure Jake, but can I ask you one thing?" Charlie inquired, I could imagine him raising one of his eyebrows inquisitively.

"What's that?" Jake said politely.

"Well," Charlie began, "Has Bella been acting a little weird lately? I mean, she's been up in her room every day after school and I haven't heard any movement. I checked up on her yesterday and she told me I couldn't come in because she was naked- changing in to her pajamas." _Don't hold back Charlie._ "But it was only like five o'clock. She hasn't eaten anything and I'm just worried about her."

"Yeah, I don't know why Bella," I sighed as he said my name, "would be acting like that. She hasn't been down to see me in a while and I just wanted to see if she was okay... so, not to be rude or anything-"

"Oh yeah, sorry- you know us old men-"

"I do." Jake said bluntly. I imagined my dad's frustrated face and laughed a little bit. He deserved a little taste of his own medicine once in a while.

"Okay... okay! Why don't you go on up to her room- see if she answers. I doubt she can here me from down here."

I smiled a little bit as I tripped back in to my room, smacking my head on the frame of my bed while trying to get back to lying down with my hair splayed around me again, combing it, trying to look pretty while my head throbbed. I smiled.

I heard the thump of light footsteps coming up the wooden steps. I smiled a little more with just the realization that he was this close again. I imagined his long hair tied back in to a ponytail and his deep skin. I imagined his jeans and sweatshirt wrapped tightly around his growing body. How beautiful he looked- and then I heard the knock on my door and just froze making me remember all the thoughts I had had in the last couple of minutes that I had seemed to have forgotten. Then I felt my head throb again in a steady pulse.

"Bella?" Jake's voice said behind the door. "Can I come in?"

I suddenly felt at a loss for words and my throat closed up. My mouth was dry and my eyes were shut tight.

"Bella?"

"Yes, come on in J-Jake." I stuttered.

His body came in just as I had imagined it- the door got stuck on the clothes I had lying on the ground. But once his head turned to look at me- I couldn't even look at him.

"Bells?" he said.

"Yes?" I asked staring out the window.

"Bells, I just wanted to apologize to how I acted last time you were over. I shouldn't have been that plain about it. I should have waited. I know how you still love _him_." I felt the disgust in his voice.

And then, without even knowing it something else slipped out of my mouth, "I don't love him anymore!" I yelled at him.

I sat up in the bed and faced him finally focusing my doe brown eyes in to his big black pits seeing love and concern. Making my head spin with the emotion I had kept bottled up for so long. And how I should have known that I loved Jake right from the start. How could I _not_ love him?

"Jake, nothing you did was wrong. I was the one being stupid-"

"Don't say that Bella-"

I groaned. "Just shut up and let me talk! Okay?"

"Sorry." he said his eyes focused on the ground. And then I felt terrible about what I had said- about yelling at him and then all of my walls crashed down.

I knelt down in front of him wrapping my arms around his legs and resting my head on his thighs. I felt his body tense and lock under my touch. I looked up from his legs in to his eyes that couldn't be taken away from me. Like I was some sort of object that he wanted to have. He was the object I wanted to have.

I stood up pressing my body up to his making him stand against the wall. "Look at me." He hesitated for a moment and then looked up, and when he did I grabbed his face between my hands. "You have no right to apologize because Jake- you're driving me nuts because I'm so in love with you right now."

His eyes bulged and I blushed.

"I love you too- ever since the day we met." He said smiling while looking in to my eyes. And it seemed like that moment in my bedroom our faces leaned together just close enough for me to bend in and kiss his smooth lips. He brought his hands up to rest on my hips and I put my arms around his neck bringing him as close as possible. I deepened the kiss by pressing my body even closer making his hands find the bare patch of skin available on my back. I felt every muscle in his body respond to me, and having someone warm for once touching me was like a miracle for my broken heart. But now, my heart didn't feel so broken anymore.

When the kiss was done- he sighed just how I had dreamed him to. I rested my head on his chest as he murmured, "Wow, you do love me."

I placed my hand over his heart feeling it's fast pace realizing how much he loved me at that moment. "I need you so much Jake."

I gave him a short and sweet peck on his neck.

"I'm so in love with you." I said in to his chest.

Jake sighed and shook his head making me look up, "You don't know how many times I have dreamed about you saying that."

I smiled at him and we just looked at each other for a while.

Then Charlie had to ruin it by yelling up the stairs, "Jake! Billy is sitting out in the car waiting for you and he wants you to get a move on with talking to Bella!"

"Okay!" Jacob yelled.

I laughed and then Jake said, "I want to hear your laugh every day. But I gotta go, I'll call you okay?"

"Don't forget to." I say as he gives me one last smile and wink before disappearing through my door.

And all I can remember right then is how good it felt not to have stony, hard, cold lips on my face.


	4. Fourth

**Thanks for all the support! 3 I got like, twenty reviews last night after I wrote the third chapter!! Thank you! -rosie **

**By the way, here is #4!!**

**-**

A week had passed since Jacob and my... big moment, and I could have sworn I felt his lips on mine still and his hand on my back. Every time I remembered those sensual details, I squirmed, so especially since I was at Newton's putting price tags on athletic gear I was getting weird, and confused 'is she right in the head?' looks- but I didn't care. I especially liked the way Mike Newton kept asking how I was, _'Bella... is there something I should know?'_ he would say and I would just start laughing like a loser- and a loser I was, but this was the best I had felt in a while. And I wasn't going to let it go so easily.

Since school actually occurred, and was as long and grueling as it was with midterms added to the schedule- there wasn't much time for Jake and I to talk or get together. But true to his word, Jake called me, everyday, asking me how I was. Making me laugh at everything he said like again, a loser. I was putty in his hands. Another thing I noticed was that he didn't seem weirded out by me like _he_ had been when I acted out too rashly. _He_ would have never accepted me if he knew I acted like this. I felt like the Bella I used to be, well, at least partly. Stronger, though.

Sometimes when I was alone I felt like something was wrong with Jake and my relationship, like we didn't know each other enough to be actually _in love_. But I knew why I was thinking this- it was all because of Edward, yes- I was beginning to be able to say his name again. I knew that the way Edward left me so easily made me believe that maybe I could be left again. I knew Jake, and I could tell that he wouldn't leave me- but you have to always keep an eye out for the things that you don't want to believe.

Even the inevitable.

I got out of work slightly after six o'clock and got home shortly after six-thirty because I stopped at the grocery store to find something for dinner for Charlie and I. But I ended up finding Charlie in front of the couch and a half eaten pizza on the kitchen table. "Oh Dad, you ordered a pizza?" I started unpacking the grocery bags placing the food in the refrigerator, Charlie noticed.

"Yeah, sorry Bells- you didn't need to go to the store for dinner. I'm a grown man... I can fend for myself." he said his eyes still focused on the tv but then turning to give me a wink, which made me smile.

"That's okay- we'll just have this tomorrow night." I announced shaking my head while unloading still. "That pizza smells good anyway, what type is it?" I said only slightly interested. Charlie noticed yet again, maybe he wasn't as old as he said he was?

"Jake called."

Now that was good stuff.

"Oh, really?" I said trying to hide the smile curling up my face. My heart started beating so fast I could hear it pounding in my ears like I was on some high dope. How could Jake, a guy I had known for a really long time, make me feel this way all of a sudden? "Does he want me to call him back?"

_Please, please! I need to talk to my beautiful boy! _I thought feeling empty, but yet excited at the same time. Being away from Jake was like holding a plastic bag over my head listening to bad music. Almost close to death. And I had been away from Jake for way too long.

"No," Charlie said, but then continued, "He said he'll call again around seven, so in about twenty five minutes."

"Okay." I said- and it was true that gave me a good amount of time to freshen up and change out of Newton's frumpy polos and take a nice hot shower so I could smell like myself again. Not sports equipment that reeked of overweight, smoking, bearded, hikers passing through town to buy some more supplies. That was Newton's business.

I ran up to my room throwing my uniform in the hamper and grabbing my toiletry bag so I could get a shower done quickly so I could talk to Jake. I was beyond ready to hear his beautiful voice again.



At six fifty-nine I waited at the phone ready to pounce like a cat on it's prey. My blow dried hair smelled so good- and felt even better. So I was obviously ready to go out and do something. Hoping that I would get a chance to see Jake.

I was so excited that Charlie didn't even bother to ask what was going on between Jake and I. So then, unlike with Edward, there would be no awkward sex talk any time soon.

I waited for one minute hoping to hear the phone ring. I kept on hearing the roaring sound from a crowd coming from the tv and the clock ominously clicking and going _tick tock tick tock tick tock_...

I was beginning to get a little impatient waiting there, so, I started to drum my fingers up against the kitchen table- another habit Edward didn't like about me and probably left me for. I cursed myself for thinking about Edward and tried to focus on the guy I liked- Jake. Trying to picture his hair, his face, his deep eyes...

Then the phone rang, and I squealed uncontrollably.

"Bella! Just answer the dang phone, jeez." Charlie said a little embarrassed and annoyed, because of the happy dance I was doing over in the kitchen that was distracting him from whatever he was watching on the tv.

"I got it!" I yelled, when I didn't really need to because I was standing next to the only phone in the house besides our cell phones. I picked up the phone and slowed my breathing.

_I can here you. _Jake's dreamy voice says I can feel the huskiness in it and that he had been laughing.

"Were you laughing at me?" I say- only joking.

_How can I not laugh at you? You're just so funny._

"Jerk! You can't talk to your girlfriend like that!"

"What... girlfriend?" I hear Charlie say from the other room. I roll my eyes than start to laugh at my overprotective dad.

_You haven't told him? _Jake asks obviously hearing Charlie in the background.

I sighed rubbing my hand against my forehead. Most regular boyfriends would take this as a sign that the girlfriend was embarrassed by the relationship- how could I have ever been so stupid to not tell Charlie right away? "I figured that you would have told Billy and that Billy would have told Charlie... but you didn't?"

_No._

"Oh well, now they know!" I say giggling like a little child. "It's okay."

I can here a smile in Jake's voice. _So, how was your day?_

"Long without you." I tell him and then quickly reply. "Can I see you?"

_Sure, do you want to come down?_

"Of course I do." _I always want to see you._ I think to myself.

_It is Friday night, so you have all weekend to do homework._

"Yeah, so we can do other things tonight."

_Yeah, sure Bella- just get your butt down here._

"Fine, fine I'll be down there soon. Just got to tell Charlie."

_Okay, see you soon. Love you._

"You don't know how good that sounds Jake. Love you too."

_Okay bye. _He says and then the phone line is dead.

I wait for a minute replaying his voice in my head- and loving it. Edward's voice was nice, but not like Jacob warm and husky. A real man. Not tinkly and musical. Truthfully, Edward's voice sounded a little queer. But it's really too bad because his good looks are wasted by his no commitment personality.

I don't regret any of my thoughts- even though some of them might be hurtful.

I grab my coat and a slice of what seems to be just cheese pizza and devour it so my stomach doesn't growl and ruin a moment- if there is a moment. I hope there is a moment.

It's raining outside so I rush to my car and sit in the cab noticing that I had stupidly left my window's open. The leather seats are slick with water so my jeans are being soaked through- but I don't care because I know Jake won't. I roll up the windows quickly and turn on the heat. I roll out on to the street and begin to drive to La Push.

I get on the main road and noticed how green everything is, something I would have never appreciated when Edward was here. But something about Jake makes me notice things that I never would have before. I had never noticed that Jessica had dimples, or that Eric's hair wasn't as greasy as I had one assumed- and that he wasn't actually a chess club junkie. They were just stereotypes made by an unhappy, pubescent, teenaged girl- but Jake made me happy- he makes me a better person.

I continued down the road and passing the border in to La Push. Everything turned a little greener because of how much more rural it was out here. Just driving in the car with the heat on and rain all around me made me feel comfortable and safe. All I needed to make it perfect was Jake. So I drove for a few minutes later and then arrived at Jake's house. The lights were on in his house but they were also on in his garage so I decided to just head over there because I knew that's where Jake would be.

I parked my car about two hundred feet from his house- and I thought that maybe I should park closer... but right now, all I needed was to see him. To feel his skin. So, I parked the car and hastily put my purse under the seat so no passerby would see it- but it wasn't like there would be anyone to pass. We were in La Push for heavens sakes.

I saw that the sky was still dark and gray and the rain was falling harder now. I was sad to leave the warmth of my car- but I knew that Jake would make things hotter than they were in my car. He would make me feel at home again. Anywhere I was with Jake _was_ home.

I hopped down from the cab and locked the car taking one last look inside to make sure my purse was stowed deep enough under the seat and then I halfway ran to the garage. I felt the mud squish under my rain boots and flick dirt up in my face and the rain fall on my hair giving me another shower. But I didn't care. I ran harder and father until finally arriving under the shelter of the hangover roof to finally feel the rain stop thundering down on me. But I looked down to see every inch of me was soaked through- I knew I should have parked closer. Oh well.

"Jake? Jake?" I yelled coming around to his garage he was underneath the car so he immediately came out and gave me a warm bear hug. I suddenly felt warm- even though I was so wet. I felt his heart beat where my head was resting on his chest and his lungs breathing in and out. My hands reached up to run my fingers through his hair and I felt his smile against my hair.

"Hey Bells, I missed you so much." Jake said against my hair. I smiled in to his chest and then lifted up my head so I could give him a kiss. I looked in to his eyes that were deep and beautiful and pressed my lips to his. His hands held tight on to the small of my back- squishing me to him.

When the kiss broke he said, "You taste good."

I laughed. "You look good." I said running my fingers around his lips and then around his eyes and then stopping at his cheek which I cupped. I pressed another kiss on his neck. "So, what are you up to?"

He shrugged moving away from me even though I wished he didn't, "Oh just making a few modifications to the Rabbit."

I nodded. "Can I watch you and hand you tools."

Jake smiled crookedly backing to his little skate board he was using to roll himself under the car. "Sure. You want a soda?"

"Sure." I say.

He gestured to a cooler standing in the corner. "They're in the cooler if you wanna pick one out."

"Okay, do you want one?" I ask being considerate.

He lays down on the skateboard still watching me. "Sure."

"What type?" I inquire.

"Dr. Pepper."

_My favorite._ I think.

"Two Dr. Peppers coming up, Sir!"

He chuckled backing underneath the car. Once I got the sodas I headed over to sit in the seat of his car while he worked underneath and set the soda by his legs that were out from underneath the car. "There you go, Jake."

"Thanks Bells. Uh, could you hand me the wrench in my tool box? It's right by your feet."

"Sure." I say reaching down in to a rusted metal tool box that's spilling over with assorted tools. I'm almost worried that I won't find it but thanks to Charlie, I know what a wrench looks like. I find it at the bottom of the box, just my luck. He hands me the screwdriver he is using and I give him the wrench that I find in the box.

"Thanks." He says.

I smile. "No problem, Jake. So, what did you do today after school?"

I hear him turning something underneath the car and he grunts making one of his legs twitch. I find that I cant look away from his long legs while I sip on my soda. "Uh, nothing really. Actually, I didn't go to school today- I was uh, sick."

I stood up feeling selfish for coming over here when he was sick. "Oh, uh, should I leave Jake- I mean if you're sick..."

He backs out from under the car. "No, Bells- I want you here. I've missed you so much this week." I notice his gaunt face. How could I not have seen this before? I shook my head pushing my hair away from my face. "Please don't leave- I'm fine, really."

He smiles and I'm almost convinced until he starts coughing violently and I see a strange fluid coming out of the side of his mouth. I turn my head to the side and bend down to grab his hands to pull him up.

"No, Bella really..." he coughs more, "I'm okay." he gives me a half hearted smile and then pukes on the ground causing his back to shudder wildly.

"I'm not convinced, Jake. Please- you need to go inside. It's freezing out here." I start to cry seeing him sick.

"I'm not cold!" he yells at me his eyes turning pitch black- way darker than they already were- and no longer warm. He has never yelled at _me_, or anyone.

"Jake, please!" I say tugging on his arm. Tears run down my face out of the way he yelled at me, but I couldn't just leave him out here. I love him!

I stop tugging on his arm when he doesn't budge and start running the fifty feet towards the house to tell Billy. I run through the muddy grass splashing my jeans and the back of my jacket until they all turn brown. I near the door to the house and sprint forward.

I open the door and I find Billy, just like Charlie, laying on the couch watching tv. But the sound of me breathing hard and wet and dripping in front of him making him turn to see me.

"Billy! We need to get Jake inside he is-" and then I see another figure come out of the kitchen. Sam Uley. I remembered all of the stories Jake had told me about him and how Embry Call had left Quil and him behind to join his so called 'protectors'' group.

"You need to leave Bella." Sam says soberly. "Now."

"Wha-why? Jake is sick, Billy we need to help him, please! His puking his guts out out there!"

"Jake will be fine, Bella." Billy says almost as calm as Sam which makes my heart crack. Was I the only one that wanted to help Jake right now?

"Just leave Bella." Sam says leading me to the door and pushing me out harshly. I run back to the garage to see the rest of Sam's cult around the garage blocking me from the entrance.

"Just leave, Bella." Embry Call says. He puts his hand on my shoulder and I shrug away. "We'll take care of him."

The rest of the guys nod but they all seem like Sam- like they didn't care. But then I look at Embry and see his tortured eyes and at least I know he cares. I hear Jake heave again and I turn away running back to my car.

**Thanks for reading! It might take a little bit for the next chapter to come up because this week I am volunteering from 7 in the morning to 5 at night but please still watch out for the next chapter because I may have a little time. Thanks!**

**-rosie**


	5. Fifth

**Sorry for the wait but with eighth grade starting- it has taken me a while to get things in to perspective. Enjoy- thanks for waiting! It means a lot because this is my biggest dream. **

Jake and I have been separated for a long time and every time I think about him, I see the look on his face when he suddenly became sick. I see the terror and hurt in his eyes as he convulsed violently by the front of his car. I see his black hair knot close to his skull. I see the mouth that I had kissed form in to an 'o' of outrage.

I remembered how frightened he looked and I wondered if he was still frightened. I wished even more that I could be with him- but every time I called I got the same answer: he's not here at the moment, can I take a message?

Then I would hear the laughter in the background and-

my stomach would lurch painfully forward. I knew I was going to die if I didn't see his face soon- smiling.

Jacob was my safe harbor, everything that I needed was with him and still is with him and every time he is gone- well, I feel it. I feel it bad- like life ceases to exist because there is nothing beautiful on the earth anymore. Like there is nothing left of me to be apart of. Like I am useless sitting here thinking this.

I sat on my desk chair checking my email trying to forget everything that has been happening, but not succeeding. I click on an email from mom explaining the joys of life in Florida and how it feels to be married for the second time to a minor league baseball player. I congratulate her, because honestly I have nothing better to do. I finish up and look at the clock. Its about two o'clock and I'm at home alone with nothing to do. Charlie has gone over to Harry Clearwater's for a beer and to watch the game.

On impulse, I suddenly grab my coat and keys and sprint down the stairs, out the garage and in to my truck. I know where I am going- but then again I don't know where I am going. I start the truck and groan when it stutters horribly. I slam my hand against the steering wheel causing the horn to honk and then this beast of a machine starts up.

I start to drive away from the house feeling nothing but hurt pulse through my body. My brain is throbbing and my eyes are already watering. I can't help but think- what does he think of me now? Does Jake think I have deserted him?

I hope not.

I turn the corner towards La Push and within minutes (because La Push is very small) I am idling in front of Jake's house deciding how to go up to the door. I take a deep breath realizing that it is most definitely now or never. I slip out of the car and land on the muddy ground. I start to walk, my boots getting covered with the mud, but I don't care. I am at the door.

I take a deep breath and remember what I am here for.

I knock.

I wait.

I see the doorknob twist.

And out jumps a humongous, russet wolf bearing its teeth at me. I scream and its eyes suddenly become angry.

_I am going to die_, I think.

It leaps on to me forcing me to the ground. The last thing I feel is my head slam in to a rock and then it is all black.

**Sorry, it's sort of short, I'll make sure to get the next chapter up soon though.**


	6. Sixth

**Sorry for the wait... like I said I'm just a busy kid.**

Bella:

I had been in a dreamlike stage for what seemed hours. I kept feeling like I was at the wrong place at the wrong time. Like I had witnessed something I shouldn't have. And that was exactly the essence of it, I wasn't supposed to see what I saw, even though, I didn't fully remember what I was supposed to forget.

All I remembered was that the events that occurred did not have a lot of good in them. I remember seeing a big black shape clouding every light point in the sky. Even just thinking of it terrified me.

In sleep, I rolled to the side and my blood in my brain rushed to my ears. My toes curled in disgust as I felt tubes pull on my arms and face...

Jake:

Bella squirmed as she was dreaming. I held down her wrists with my scarred hands that had not been maimed up until the last time I saw her, the most beautiful girl in the world, the love of my long life. Sam had been happy to oblige the punishment for something I did not even remember doing. I absolutely could not remember lashing out at Bella, Sam had explained that this was often a stage that 'shape-shifters' went through.

I didn't like it. I'm sure that if Bella knew what I was, she would never even think of being with me. That would be a nightmare to see her cower away from me. It would break my heart, or at least what was left of it.

For the past year, I have watched Bella fall in love with Edward, the guy who left her. Even if you could call him a guy, he was the most miserable excuse for a gentleman. It was the hardest thing I have ever had to do- and the worst part of it was knowing that my feelings could never be returned. She could _never_ love someone like she had loved that filthy bloodsucker.

I had one thing that Edward didn't have, however, I could give Bella everything. A family, humanity. He could do nothing for her except condemn her to a life of evil. Even though it was Bella's choice, it hurt that she'd rather die than be human. Stay with me, forever.

I had heard the phone calls every day, and I knew it was her. Billy often became frustrated with me because I couldn't step up to the plate and answer the damn phone. I couldn't, and wouldn't. I could not be controlled. I could not hurt her. And because of the person she is, she has brought it upon herself. I had been out of control, and it broke my heart to see the crusted tears that lie upon her pale cheeks.

Her dark hair was soft against the hospital pillow. She looked _too _much like an angel. Her cheeks were the color of delectable cherries and her skin the hue of pure, unsoiled, newly fallen snow.

Her dark eyelashes were swept across her cheeks over puffy red eyelids. She had _cried_ when I hurt her! I could not believe myself! If Bella never wants to talk to me again, I would completely understand. I am, and was, an uncontrollable monster. I did not know what was right or wrong. I hurt the people I loved most dearly. My love, Bella.

Charlie stands outside watching me wearily, he knows what I am. His eyes are open wide and are puffy just like Bella's. I do not doubt that he hates me now. I am sorry for that, because I believe I have forever lost his trust.

I sit down in a chair next to Bella's bed for the next hour and watch her chest move up and down, hoping it doesn't stop. She looks so peaceful inside her own consciousness; but out here, it is in full pandemonium. Doctors watch the room expecting something terrible to happen.

Bella's has suffered a serious concussion, a broken rib and femur. She also has a blood clot that they have drilled out of her already damaged skull. A patch of her lustrous locks has been trimmed in order to perform that last procedure. The worst thing is knowing that I am the one who has done this to one so pure, and childlike, but so strong. She will probably never act the same towards me and all I will have left is the evanesce of her. It is hard to believe, but the reality will soon sink in once the beauty awakens from sleep.

I hear the door open to the right of me and see Charlie coming in. He is still in his Forks Police uniform. He is tired and his hair is standing up at all ends. I feel bad for him, because I know what he is going through. We understand each other because we both love Bella more than anything.

"How is she?" Charlie asks, his face is casts down to the floor. I find it hard to breathe, he can't even stand the sight of me.

"She's fine." I say, knowing it isn't true. I want to apologize to him for everything I have done but can't think of the words to express my sympathy. I know Charlie wishes to punish me for what I have done to her, but seeing her like this is punishment enough.

Charlie chuckles.

"You know, Jake," he begins, he sits down on the end of the bed and rubs Bella's undamaged leg, "I have always known that you've loved her."

Charlie's sudden statement shocks me, but I have nothing to say back. It is the truth. "Yes." I say, quietly. I am now staring at Bella just as Charlie is, full of sadness.

"Yes, and I know you'd do anything to protect her." Charlie comments adding to his sentence before.

I laugh quietly. "That is true."

Charlie laughs a little bit too, but then stops and we both watch Bella for a few minutes. "Why, then." Charlie's voice cracks from tears, "would you do it?"

I look at Charlie and cannot hold back my own tears. I shake my head, "Charlie, I _love_ Bella! I would never have done with her knowing it. Since I have become part of the pack, I haven't been able to get control of the powers. The last thing I remember from Saturday night was me becoming angry with myself. I feel terrible Charlie, like I'm a monster in disguise of a man. I am the most miserable excuse for a best friend. I don't even know how I can live with myself."

I shake my head and begin to cry. Charlie's hand rests on my shoulder. "Jake, Jake! It's all right. She's going to be fine!"

"She's going to hate me!" I say looking up at him with tears cascading down on to the blanket.

And then the most beautiful voice sounds. "I'm going to hate who?"

Bella is awake.


End file.
